Patience and perseverance

I arrive home from a night out with friends only to discover yarn everywhere. By everywhere I mean he found my yarn bag and started running with a ball of it. Then he decided one ball was so much fun he should zoom with another one. As I remember he had unraveled four or five balls of yarn throughout the apartment. It was a tangled mess which had to be addressed before I could go to sleep.  I began collecting yarn in the entry way and I followed it around doorknobs, through the bathroom, bedroom, kitchen and living room. I learned an important lesson that night.  If I am to work all day and then go out at night, Dutch must be crated or I should hide my yarn.

I loved Dutch like you would not believe. I loved watching him run and I adored his oddly shaped body. I loved that he was always next to me and I am grateful for his years of loyalty. I often forget in the beginning he was a lot of work.  The yarn was one of many things he did to irritate me.  As a fully house broken puppy, he would pee in front of the TV just to get our attention. Eventually he grew out of this but it was seriously annoying at the time.

In those first three or four years I considered giving up on him at least 1,456 times.  Now looking back I am so glad I did not. Our relationship improved over time.  When I started my journey with Dutch, I knew how to train him to sit, come and stay. I knew that I should walk him every day but that is all I knew. I understood a little bit about conditioned responses but I really only did what the experts told me I should do.

Recently I began to understand through training, walking and conditioning I was building trust. I was telling him that I would take care of him and that I was worthy of his loyalty.  One of my favorite parenting coaches, Dr. Tim Clinton, says “Rules without relationships lead to rebellion”.  This is as true of our dogs as it is our children.  With both our children and our dogs we develop these relationships through quality time, engaging them fully and interacting with them in a consistent manner.  

According to Petfinder.com, the average age of dogs relinquished to the shelter is between 5 months and 3 years.  Most have not been trained.  When we think of the physical development of a dog this is their pre-adolescent, teenage and young adult years.  During this time they are going to push the boundaries and challenge authority much like our children do.

We must reinforce the boundaries, make sure they have plenty of developmental appropriate activities and help our dogs get through the awkward phases. Just as we do with our children.  Our relationship with our dogs is dynamic.  It is ever changing and trust builds over time.   Our commitment to them will pay out a million times over as long as we do not give up on them in those transitional years.  When we commit to developing trust and treating them with kindness they will become our loyal unfailing companions for all of their days.  Sadly when we give up on them their days often end much sooner than they should.

Looking back Dutch was not the perfect dog. He did not start out as the poster puppy for a loyal companion.  To be honest I did not even like him very much during those early years. Every walk and every training session, and every gentle correction was part of the journey. At the end of that journey I would come to cherish the memory of the yarn maze through the apartment. At the end of the journey, I would thank him a million times for his companionship.  Now that his journey has ended, I am glad I did not give up on him because if I had I would never have known the rewards that patience and perseverance can bring. 

Do Dogs love?

 I could see him curled up in the corner of the crate. He was exhausted and frightened from his long journey. I was elated to see the truck and know he was being returned to me but my heart sunk at the sight of him in the crate looking defeated. I waited patiently while he was wheeled through the threshold of my home and reminded myself of how long it had been since I had seen my friend. 

Dutch had been living with my parents while we made the move from Florida to Washington.  It took nearly a year before we were stable enough to bring him out to live with us and we decided the best way to do this was through a courier service which specializes in moving pets. I was so excited to see him again but as I watched this tired creature enter my home I realized something that I had not thought of before. He may not remember me and it may take some time for us to reconnect. My joy immediately became conflicted with wondering how much regression I would be facing.

I signed the paper work and spoke with the driver for a moment.  As soon as I spoke, Dutch immediately stood up and wagged with such excitement that he shook the crate. Although, Dutch was a happy pup this level of sheer elation was excessive even for him.  At the sound of my voice he changed from a scared shell of a dog to my dear friend full of life and enthusiasm.  It was obvious that he recognized me and was excited to see me again.

I did not think about it much then.  I was just happy that he remembered me and I did not have to rebuild our relationship. The more I learn about dogs and the deeper I explore the theories of handling the prevailing wisdom is “do not humanize the dog’s behavior”.   This tidbit of wisdom is very helpful when focusing on training and motivation or understanding why a dog engages in certain annoying behaviors.  However, behaviors like Dutch’s jubilation at the sound of my voice seem to have no motivation besides the intimate connection that he and I shared.

Every dog I have ever known has made this connection with his humans in some way. My puppy brings me a toy as soon as I wake in the morning. My collie-mix looks me in the eye and kisses my nose once before he settles into my chair with me. My beautiful boxer girl will stretch all the way across the couch just so her paw is touching a human. These behaviors are not breed specific. We do not train them to do these things. They seem to simply love us and want to connect with us beyond the level of basic physical needs.

I was recently asked the question “Do dogs love?” Intellectually, I am taught they are animals and they behave as a result of instinct and conditioning.  However, as a pack leader, a rescue volunteer, and a dog enthusiast I believe that our affection for them is not lost. It is very difficult to find an explanation for the behaviors cited in this blog besides the desire for the dog to express affection to his human. So yes I do believe whole heartedly our dogs are capable of love and do indeed love us.  

Transitions

I unpacked box after box looking for it. I forgot to grab his small wooden case off the bookshelf and I have spent the last several weeks agonizing over whether or not his ashes would arrive safely in their new home.  Finally, after a 2,000 mile commute and the unpacking of 280 boxes I have his urn in my hands.  Tears fill my eyes at an overwhelming rate as memories of my dear friend flood back to me.

Then a new reality strikes me. I will never again walk through a room he filled. I will never be able to retrace the steps of his favorite walk or visit his favorite park. I have been completely separated from any place he touched physically in this world. Now all I have is what he imprinted upon my heart, what he taught me through his example and a few behaviors which he left me conditioned with.

 I still jump anticipating his bark at the sound of fireworks and garbage trucks. Then I feel a little let down when I don’t hear his ferocious growl. Every time I experience the fireworks and then the letdown I begin to remember his fear of the kitchen timer and the cell phone that I had to replace because the alarm on it scared him so. He eventually outgrew his fear of the timer and cellphone but barked at the garbage truck until the day he died.  I laugh thinking of all the ways he could challenge an individual’s leadership but take great pride in knowing he seldom attempted those antics with me.

Yes, I still miss my friend but I am moving forward.  My pack has increased to three and a kitten.  I often say it has taken three of them to fill the void Dutch has left. That is a lie. I miss my friend and wish desperately he could join me in my new home.  I think how he would love the yard and the rabbits. I miss feeling his head on my foot at dinner and his gentle presence always near me.  To say that my three either individually or as a pack could replace my dear friend belittles the impact he had on my life.

 I spent a little over a decade with this guy. He helped me realize how passionate I am about dogs. He challenged my abilities as a behaviorist. He challenged my patience and forced me to practice what I preached.  This creature taught me through his example about loyalty and unconditional love.  The things I learned from him are forever cherished in my heart.

He helped me to understand that we are dynamic ever changing creatures. Our edges smooth over time. As we age we let go of the little things like the kitchen timers and the annoying cell phone alarm but continue to chase the fireworks and garbage trucks.  We make a point to leave an impression on others.  This impression is not contained by time or space and is certainly not sequestered in a little pine box.  We are designed to impact others beyond the physical space we occupy.

The impression Dutch left with me gave me the confidence to rescue. His influence was the premise for me to develop a multitude of behavior management skills. These skills are the reason why I can confidently handle a pack of three now.  Although there is no trail here that we have physically walked together he has paved the way for me to impact many lives.

 The small wooden box serves as a reminder of all that I have lost but the dogs surrounding my chair are proof of all that I have gained because of him. My heart quickly changes from being full of sadness to being filled with gratitude for all which his influence has allowed me to gain.  I run my fingers over the small wooden box which contains Dutch’s physical remains and a sense of peace finally replaces the agony I once felt.