I sat on my bed crying from a
combination of exhaustion and frustration. Nothing I had read had fully
prepared me for the difficulty of becoming a new mom. Before I knew it what may
have started as baby blues eventually transformed into postpartum depression
and I would quickly sink into an abyss that I would spend the next six years fighting
to overcome.
This may be one of the reasons Dutch’s death
was so hard on me. Dutch was right next
to me through this time. He slept on my side of the bed. He got up in the middle
of the night and sat with me as I rocked a crying baby. After the baby was asleep and I would sit
down and cry he would come and nudge his head underneath my hand as if to say “Pet
me and you will feel better”. He never
feared me or hid from me. He loved me
just as I was in spite of my chronic sadness and bursts of rage. My mood never fazed him. He was always beside
me. He was a source of constant comfort and helped me through a wretched funk.
He did nothing special besides just
be present. He allowed me to cry when I
needed to cry and he stayed beside me without saying a word. He didn’t tell me
to be quiet. He didn’t tell me to relax or to move on. He didn’t tell me to
stop being silly or suggest that a simple perspective change would make me feel
better. He was not worried about how my feelings impacted him. He was not concerned
with his own feelings. He was not pushing me to change because he did not like
the impact my disposition was having on him. He stayed next to me loyally
making his presence known but not pushing me to change before I was ready. Then
when I was ready to change he was there too. In the same steadfast fashion he
continued to love me as I was.
Looking back this dog has taught me
a powerful lesson. As an aspiring coach
and counselor I feel that I often need to have an answer or a question. I need
to say something or do something. I need to contribute something. I often
forget sometimes just being there is enough.
Sometimes the best thing I can do
is follow Dutch’s example and sit without judgment or distraction. Not offer
commentary or solutions and not worry about the impact a particular situation
has in my life. Just love a person as they
are and offer them nothing besides my presence and my loyalty. There is much to be said for a friend who will
listen and receive you without interruption. Just being a friend when the other
person is drained and has nothing to give can be life changing for someone who
is struggling.
Dutch’s presence helped me through
a long struggle with depression. Although I am not capable of making myself
completely available and wish I had an iota of loyalty and patience Dutch did.
I can still try, I can be aware of the impact my presence has on others. I can
control my actions and much like Dutch I can accept that my only reward is
being there when someone needed me.
Dutch taught me so much about helping dogs during our time together
perhaps my evaluation of what he left behind has been limited. Clearly he has
left behind some valuable tidbits about interacting with people as well.
