When I started this blog my
intention was to share my experiences with the dogs and relate them to our
human world. Commentary on what we can learn from a simpler creature that lives
so closely with us. I never meant to
process my grief over Dutch through this blog but there are some powerful life
lessons coming from losing him.
I love working dogs. It is one of
the things I have been truly passionate about for as long as I can remember.
Dutch over the years had become an extension of me when I walked. There was no
tension on the leash…there was no tripping, no jumping, no confusion. We were a team, with our own rhythm. We knew
each other well.
When he
first got sick, a year ago, we adopted our boxer, Sunny. We realized early on
she would always need another dog around so we adopted a puppy from a litter we
fostered. I wanted my current pack in
place before I lost Dutch. Partly because I wanted dogs that would carry on his
legacy, but also because I knew my grief would be intense and I could not stand
the thought of “replacing” him. He got
very sick about two weeks before I had him put to sleep and I stopped walking
him then. I could not bear the thought
of walking the others and not him so I became a very lazy dog owner. After he died, I could barely look at the
leashes, and the thought of walking either of them on my left side where Dutch
has spent the last eleven years hurt. Yes, I am admitting that I have not walked
my dogs in two months. There were days when
I could not stand the thought of ever working a dog again. I know it sounds silly and dramatic…but that
dog had my heart.
I
cannot tell you what was different about Today but today I leashed the dogs and
we walked. We had a nice quick pace.
They were happy and I absorbed every ounce of their vibrant curious energy. We
traveled a mile or two and we were all very content and relaxed when we got
home. Walking to bully breeds is completely different than walking a lab, and
that is clear. They pull and use their weight to get their way. It does not seem quite as natural for them to
travel but that could be because we are out of practice too. But we walked
together, we worked at it and we are a little happier because of it.
Maybe over time they too will
become an extension of my arm, but for now I feel for the cues on the leash and
I correct. We work together, and learn as team.
I have to learn a whole new way of walking my pack. I always had Dutch’s
cues and corrections to help me with the others. Now I have to rely on what he
taught me about their body language and how to use my body to correct them. He was my guide into their world. He knew
when to lean against them and nudge them with his head. He knew when Sunny got anxious and how to
stop her from lunging. He did it all so
well and now I have to hope I am able to mimic it.
It is a new and different challenge and thanks to Dutch I am ready to
grow and bond with my new pack. I am ready to teach these guys and learn from
them. Rather than living in the past of
the companion I once had I am ready to embrace my new companions. All the while I am grateful for what he
taught me. I know if not for him, I would not be equipped to handle Sunny’s
insecurity or understand how to deal with Wilson’s stubbornness. I also know that it takes time and work to
develop the relationship he and I had, so by not working these guys I am not
honoring Dutch or giving these guys the chance to be everything they could be.
I love him and I miss him…but I am ready to take what he
taught me and move forward with it.
